


Thrown Out

by L_Moonshade



Series: Altered Realities [12]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, Homophobia, Homophobic Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 03:41:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3193946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_Moonshade/pseuds/L_Moonshade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil's been thinking about coming out. With his life, if he waits too long the choice will be taken out of his hands, and he doesn't want that.<br/>He waits too long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thrown Out

I knew something was wrong when whispers and strange looks followed me from the lobby. I didn't find out how bad it was, though, until I stepped into my office and found John Garrett in my chair. We'd met in the Army, come in together, trained with Fury as our SO. The look on John's face, though, told me none of that mattered right now.

"Chased a mark into that cesspool of a bar just outside the city limits," he began with no preamble. "Saw you there with some fruit, you looked pretty damn cozy. But you were there undercover. Right?"

I weighed my options, but the gossip that had followed me to my office told me there wasn't much point in pretending. He may be acting like he was in doubt, but he'd already spread the word. And, while he was hiding it fairly well, he was angrier than I'd ever seen him.

"You already know the answer."

"You God damn dirty faggot. And here I thought we knew each other's deepest, darkest secrets."

I was getting angry now, and had to remind myself that it wouldn't help anything. "I'm confused. Are you pissed because I'm gay, or because I didn't tell you? You can't have it both ways."

He stood up and I really hoped he wasn't armed, because things wouldn't end well if he was. "You ever check me out in the showers? Fantasize…"

I snorted. "You are not my type."

He came around from behind my desk to get in my face. "Who is? Subordinates? You've gotten pretty close to Barton and Royce, did you tell them you'd tank their careers if they didn't let you fuck them? Or maybe they're the ones who turned you queer, forced you…"

I hauled off and punched him. "Accusing me of abusing my position—which I would never do—is bad enough. But don’t you ever make allegations like that about my agents. Get out of my office, and stay out until and unless you can be civil."

"You wouldn't be civil to a murderer."

"What I do isn't hurting anyone."

He sneered. "You keep telling yourself that. Hit me again, and I'll kill you."

"Make comments like that about my agents again and you won't be able to."

He left, slamming the door behind him and I sat down at my desk, put my face in my hands, and tried not to cry. I took a moment to collect myself, then called my pop to give him a heads up. After that I had to decide who to talk to first; it didn't take me long to decide on Barton and I called him into my office.

He was there within a minute or two, coming into my office from the air ducts as per usual and dropping into a chair. "What's up, Sir?" Then, seeing something on my face, he leaned forward, concerned. "Everything okay?"

"It'll be fine. I'd hoped to have the chance to do this in a less formal setting, but it's going to be common knowledge by the end of the day, if it isn't already. I've been outed, and I wanted you to hear from me first, that I'm gay."

He looked stunned for a moment, then he smiled. "You were gonna tell me?"

I relaxed, unaware until then of how tense I'd been. "I consider you a friend, and I trust you not to hold it against me."

He laughed. "Shit, Sir, that's tame compared to what I saw in the circus. Seriously, I don't care who you love, as long as they treat you well." Then his face darkened. "Who outed you?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does to me. Because that's just not cool."

I shrugged. "What's the point? It's done. Besides, I have the feeling that, once the director gets wind of this, things won't go well for them."

He smirked. "I guess your father knows, then."

How did he know about that? I'd have to ask him later. "He was kicked out of the FBI for wanting to marry a man. Home is the one place I've never had to hide."

Barton gave a wistful smile and, as always, my heart broke a little for him. He'd never been able to not hide. "That's good. I'm glad you've got someone to go to bat for you. You need anything, you know I'm here for you, right?"

I smiled. "I've never doubted that, Barton. It means a lot." He opened himself up to so few people that to know I was one of them was a great compliment.

"Good. Nat and Royce know?"

I nodded. "It came out under less than optimal circumstances, but yes, I've told them. To a thundering lack of reaction."

He grinned. "You expect anything else from them? I mean, Royce has been around long enough to have swung every which way, and Nat doesn't give a fuck. Well, I'm sure you've got other stuff to do. But you know where to find me if you need me."

"I do. Thank you."

He shrugged. "All the times you've stood up for me? Least I can do is return the favor." With that he hauled himself back into the air duct, pulled the vent closed, and was gone.

Well, there was the first face-to-face conversation I'd needed to have, just one more to go. Like with Barton I didn't figure it would go badly, but I wasn't ready to brave my way to the other end of the Hub just yet so I called and asked him to come to my office. He did, one of the reasons the junior agents told so many tall tales about me. Nick didn't leave his office for just anyone.

He didn't even bother knocking, just stormed in. "I swear to God, Cheese, I don't got time for this shit. So next time you feel the need to unburden yourself, make it something I haven't known since about five minutes after we met," he said, slamming the door behind him.

If it had been anyone else I would have been offended, or at least intimidated, but this was just Nick's way of telling me he didn't care. "Yes, Sir. Sorry to bother you, Sir."

"Damn right you are." He put his hand on the doorknob, then softened. "You okay?"

"I've been better."

"You talk to Garrett yet?"

"Where do you think this is coming from? He saw me in the gay bar outside town."

Nick shook his head. "I told you he was an asshole."

"So are you, but I've never had cause to regret our friendship."

He grinned. "Course not. I like you. Your favorites know?"

"I just told Barton. I was delirious at the safe house in Paris and said something to Royce and Lang and got no reaction. They've since told me explicitly that they don't care."

"Would've been surprised if they did. With those three on your side, you'll be fine and Garrett'll get straightened around." Then he opened the door. "So stop wasting my time with stupid shit," he bellowed, likely for the benefit of anyone who was waiting around for something juicy. "You're the best damn agent I have, what do I care who you're screwing around with?" And then, slamming the door behind him again, he was gone.

I'd lost John's friendship, but that didn't surprise me, under the circumstances. And in any case, Barton and Nick had been better friends from the start. As long as I had them in my corner, as well as Kate and Methos, of course, I would get through this.

Now, I just had to convince myself.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I decided it would be better not to hide so I ate in the commissary, which I rarely did. Melinda May took a seat across the table almost at once and I supressed a sigh. She was a new agent and would be a great specialist, and I liked her well enough. But I'd like her a lot better if she would stop asking me out despite my telling her clearly that I wasn't interested.

"You could have told me."

I didn't bother to hold back a sigh at that. "I shouldn't have had to. I said no, that's all you should need."

"I just wanted a reason."

"That's not something you have a right to, and I'm under no obligation to give you one."

Her tenacity was one of the things that would make her such a good specialist, but it was working against me now and I could see her ready to argue.

Until someone set a tray down next to me. "So. Is it true?"

Sitwell was more Kate's friend than mine, which was fine. If this conversation blew up in my face, I'd be able to let her rip him apart. "Yes. It is."

"You wanna grab dinner tonight?"

That caught me off-guard; I'd always thought he had a thing for Kate. It was a welcome invitation though, likely as it was to get May off my back. "Sure. I'd like that."

May took the hint and left, mumbling something about having to be somewhere.

"Good. A bunch of us are heading over to Game Time to watch the Mets." He gave me an apologetic smile. "Sorry to get your hopes up, but you looked like you could use some help."

I returned his smile with one that was more genuine. "I did, thank you. And no offense, but you're not exactly my type."

He heaved a sigh. "Damn. That would've been some awesome bragging rights, the great Phil Coulson with a thing for me? Oh, well. Guess I'll have to set my sights on Agent Lang, instead."

"Just as unattainable, I'm afraid. She's engaged to Royce."

He grinned. "Until they're married, there's always hope. So anyway, who're you for? I've always been an Expos fan, myself."

I shook my head. "You poor man."

He shrugged. "Can't help your faves. Growing up, I…"

I let his prattle fade into the background, feeling a wave of relief. It didn't exactly make up for John, but at least I hadn't lost everyone.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I did go to dinner with Sitwell and a few of his friends, some I knew most I didn't. I was glad to see Barton and, after we'd been there for a few minutes, Kate and Methos. Sitwell, to my shock, greeted her with a, "Hey, Nat." As far as I knew, Barton was the only one who could get away with calling her that.

"Jasper, Dear."

"Yes, Darling?"

"God knows I love you, but if you call me Nat again, I'm going to rip out your tongue."

He grinned. "Told you she loves me," he said to the woman sitting next to him.

She choked on that. "That's what you took away from that?"

"Hey, Royce. Aren't you and Lang engaged?" someone asked.

Methos gave the gentle, besotted smile only Kate seemed to be able to bring out in him. "To my eternal gratitude, yes."

"Then why aren't you the one threatening to rip Sitwell's tongue out?"

Methos scoffed. "My kitten has claws and can take care of herself. I wouldn't love her half as much if it were otherwise."

"Kitten?" a number of voices chorused.

"Apparently I should be ripping his tongue out, as well," Kate said, sitting next to me. "You okay?" she asked me, keeping her voice pitched low enough only I'd be able to hear.

I gave her a smile. "I've been better, but I've been worse. I'll manage."

She nodded. "Good."

Kate knew everyone there from her second round of training and Barton and Methos knew almost everyone through her. That being the case, I didn't expect a comment from the last person to show up, a woman I hadn't met. She sat down and, when I was introduced, gave me a sneer.

"You're really hanging out with a queer?"

The atmosphere became tense and I started to get up. "I'll just…"

"Sit your ass back down," Sitwell said. Then, as if only just remembering I was a senior agent, "Uh, Sir. Marie, if you can't be civil, then you need to leave."

She started to argue, until Methos put an arm on the back of her chair and leaned in. "Phil happens to be our favorite handler, and we are very protective of our favorites," he said, voice quiet and menacing. "So, you have two choices. You can leave, or you can be nice. If you choose neither of these, you will find that your life from here on will be very, very difficult."

She looked around the table, her face paling when she saw the dark look on Barton's face, paling further when she saw Kate staring at her like she was prey. Without another word, she stood and left.

"She was out of line, Sir, not you," one of the others said. "But damn, guys, could you have been any more frightening?"

Methos grinned, a not entirely happy expression. "Oh, I think we could if we tried."

From there it was a good night. The baby agents were smart and funny and, while young and still a bit green, had potential, something that I'd expect from anyone Kate, Methos, and Barton decided to befriend.

At the end of the night it was just Kate, Methos, and I, our enhanced metabolisms (and restraint) letting us outlast everyone else. The minute we were alone, of course, they asked what happened and I told them. Omitting John's name.

"Who?" Methos asked.

"It doesn't matter. It's been taken care of."

Kate snorted. "You wouldn't have said the same if you'd heard about Patterson sooner."

"Patterson didn't stop, and you're making me feel even worse about that than I already do." Granted, she'd been playing the victim to trap a predator, but still. When it became apparent that they weren't going to relent, I sighed. "Fine. If they keep it up, I'll tell you who it is."

Methos scoffed. "If they keep it up, you won't have to. But fine. I guess we can live with that."

That was a lot more comforting than it likely should have been. "Thanks. Having friends like you makes up for the ones I'm losing."

Kate winced. "It didn't go so well, huh?"

"It's mostly comments and people who would normally say hi avoiding me, but the person who outed me… I thought he was a friend, but he made a couple of allegations that were almost enough to make me shoot him, made it clear that he'll have nothing to do with a pervert like me."

"He'd better hope we don't find out who it is," Methos said.

"Just keep in mind he's not as durable as some of us."

Kate gave a wicked grin. "Oh, don't worry. We'll remember."

And they probably would. Whether or not that would stop them from giving him a beating that would put Captain America in the hospital, though, was another matter.

I finished my beer and leaned back. "And on that note, I should get some sleep. I'm heading out to Belize tomorrow." Something occurred to me and I groaned. "And I haven't seen any of the agents on the team since this thing blew up."

"We'd offer to take over, but we're with Mikkelson tomorrow," Methos said.

I smiled. "The thought is appreciated. Who's your sniper?"

"Woo."

I nodded. "He's easy to get along with. And he's good, even if he's no Barton."

Kate scoffed. "Who is? We should all go get some rest. But if you need to rant and rave, or get rid of some anger, you know where to go."

"I do. Thank you."

"Always."

Well, I thought as I drove home, it could have been worse. Relatively few problems, and only one major blow up? I could live with that.

Hopefully it would only quiet down from here on out.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks as always to Raynbowz.
> 
> Deleted and reposted to fix some errors.


End file.
